


The Care And Keeping Of Russian Strays

by Kemis



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Gen, Mama Katsuki smiles and secretly rules the universe, Mari is the best sibling, Papa Katsuki is mostly here for the lulz, Tumblr Fic Collection, Yuuri mostly wants his relatives to stahp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-08 09:43:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10383876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kemis/pseuds/Kemis
Summary: Two stray Russian turned up one day at the Katsuki family's door and by god they are going to keep them and hug them and care for them. Whether they like it or not. (Mostly not in Yurio's case but no one listens to him anyway.)A collection of ficlets and drabbles about the Katsuki Family (both born and acquired) and their lives.





	1. russian strays

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collection of bits of headcanons and ficlets from my tumblr. They are mostly belonging to the same verse, but might not be in a chronological order. I write and post them as they come to me. Everything is self-edited so please ignore any typo I might have missed.

The moment Victor Nikiforov shows up at Yu-topia with his dog and just about his whole home boxed up behind him asking about Yuuri the Katsukis pause, look at each other and then invite him in smiling. 

Because they might not know a lot about the technicalities of ice skating but they do know a lot about Yuuri, about how incredible a person he is and how much of his life revolves around skating and this one man. So they already know there’s only two ways this can possibly turn out - it will either crash and burn whatever is left of Yuuri’s heart or they will have to reserve the big banquet room for the wedding reception. 

Considering that within two hours her mother is already calling Victor Vicchan, Mari has an inkling on where her parents stand on that issue. 

Mari is a bit more cautious on this, because her mother’s solution is to be unfailingly, aggressively polite until the issue has fixed itself (and to Mari’s never-ending confusion it never fails to _work_ , the world itself trips on itself in haste to fall in place according to her wishes. How?????). But they’ve just gotten their Yuuri back, even if he’s down and battered and she’s not in any hurry to see this hot rich Russian with his model smile take him from them. 

So if she’s resolved to make his life just a bit more difficult it’s only fair, but. But then Victor’s own stalker shows up and Mari is _shook_ because this? This is the gods answering all of her prayers in one blond angry leopard-print parcel - finally she has gotten the cute baby brother she deserves and he _looks just like her favorite band member_! She has been blessed by the gods and she knows it. She might consider letting Victor steal her brother if he’s going to share his with her.

(She always has and always will love and support Yuuri, but she has never quite forgiven her precious little brother for growing up and losing all of his super adorable chubby softness.)

Yurio is extremely loud, incredibly angry and and he’s so small and so _cute_ Mari wants to kidnap him and keep him hidden in a box in her closet and feed him milk and fatty tuna and braid his hair with ribbons. He calls Victor ‘old man’ and ‘has-been’, then kicks him if he’s not paying attention to him. He calls Yuuri ‘pig’ but he himself eats two bowls of katsudon like he didn’t even know food had been invented yet.

Mama Katsuki just smiles and serves him thirds of everything. And then dumps both him and Victor with the dishes because if you’re not a guest at Yu-topia you’re family and you get to be put to work. (The universe wobbles slightly.) Victor pouts and complains about his beautiful hands until someone hands him some gloves so he doesn’t have any more excuses, but he’s so useless at everything that is not on ice he keeps dropping things. Little Yuri on the other hand has to split his time between the dishes and trying to kick Victor’s head in, and washes his pile of bowls so aggressively he breaks several too. In the end they both get banned from the kitchen and put on trash duty for the rest of the week.

Mari is heartbroken when Yurio leaves. She joins the Yuri Angels. Days later she gets her starter package with badges, two banners, a Russian flag and cats ears. Next time they meet she can slip them on Yurio’s head and accidentally take a picture. 

She also stares Victor down for all of two seconds before he folds and gives her Yurio’s cell number. She knows that Yuuko is keeping him informed about the idiot couple’s progresses on skating, so she texts him updates about life at Yu-topia, the same silly things she always used to tell Yuuri when he was in the States. 

_the pervy ji-san who likes to pinch butts finally left. We have a whole year of respite until he comes back_

_the garbage bins miss you :( :( :(_

_I overheard Dad and Victor discuss hair regrowth products. w h a t._

Pictures of Makkachin running from an alley cat.

A picture of the newly waxed open porch on the back garden, the perfect spot for a nap in the sun.

Yurio never answers, but Mari isn’t expecting him to. She knows he’s reading her texts, so she just keeps sending them. Sometimes the lack of an (angry) answer is an answer itself.

The Cup of China happens. Papa Katsuki laughs loudly and Mama Katsuki keeps smiling and serving drinks and food to the stunned guests of the public viewing until everyone is either drunk or passed out. (The universe wobbles and lurches.) 

Mari drives Minako home the next morning and together they book two tickets to Barcelona. She has only attended a couple of Yuuri’s international competitions because of the expenses but this is a very big deal for the whole family. She needs to step up considering she now has three brothers to support.

The call she has to make to Russia from the vet office is the hardest one in her life. She almost doesn’t, hovers with the tip of her finger on the call icon for ten minutes because she knows how much this is going to hurt her brother, because _she did this already_ and why does the universe always force her to give him bad news? But things are not the same now. Yuuri is not alone anymore, so she takes a deep breath and places the call.

Half an hour later Yuuri calls back with the info to Victor’s flight back. He sounds mostly steady. She hangs up and texts Yurio. She can take care of things here, but they’ll have to have each other’s back out there in Russia.

Victor cries a bit on their way back from the vet, but Mari doesn’t say anything. She knows the tears are not entirely for his dog.

(Yurio texts her a picture of Yuuri sitting in the snow and eating a pastry. She sends back a picture of Makkachin and Victor curled up together sleeping.)

Barcelona is wonderful. The skaters are all so young and unfairly attractive and Mari and Minako weep on each other’s shoulder over it. It might also be the wine. She still manages to snap a picture of Victor and Yuuri’s hands with their rings sparkling and sends it to her parents. She’s pretty sure they still have the big banquet hall reserved for June.

(The universe shakes and stumbles and _twists_.)

The morning of the free skate Mari can see all the way from her seats that something happened between the idiot couple. She’s reminded of the day Victor arrived at their inn, at how she thought that they were either going to crash or defy gravity and wonder if they didn’t count their chickens too soon. 

There’s nothing she can do about that right now, nothing except trust her siblings to help each other and cheer for them as loudly as she can. And they _fly to the stars_.

 

 

 

One afternoon months later, when spring is in full bloom, Victor stumbles into the kitchen where Mari and her mother are getting started on dinner making incoherent noises and weird hand gestures. They follow him out to the garden and see Yuuri sitting on the open porch with his back against one of the screens, head wobbling just a bit and clearly sleeping. Yurio is laying down beside him in a patch of sunlight with his head on his lap, also asleep.

Victor is clutching his phone and explaining that Yurio walked up to them while him and Yuuri were playing cards, demanded ‘Pig’ to put his chubby soft body to good use, curled up beside him and went to sleep.

Victor is also sobbing quietly into her shoulder and crying tears of joy over his precious Yuuris and Mari usually would give him _so much shit_ for it but she’s too busy screaming internally and groping her pockets for her own phone because they might be giant idiots but she has the _cutest siblings ever_.

(Mama Katsuki smiles and shakes her head. Her kids are silly but it doesn’t matter, they are all going to end up added to _her_ family registry anyway just like her husband.

And the universe finally stills.)


	2. scraps

The Katsuki don’t manage to see Yurio often because his home rink is still in St. Peterburg.

When Yuuri and Victor come home from the Grand Prix with a silver medal and the single most adorable Yurio Plushie ever, Mari steals it away and puts it on display beside Yuuri’s medal in the main hall, but she takes it out and prop it on the table during family dinners. It's not as cute as the original flesh-and-bone version (a lot less angry hissing for one) but they make do.

Victor, the traitor, rats her out and send Yurio a picture of his plushie self propped up beside a bowl of _katsudon_.

Mari gets an 8 minutes long voice message that consists entirely of angry Russian shouting. She doesn’t ask Victor to translate. He looks entirely too pleased with himself already, and she got the gist of it anyway. (She has been learning bits and pieces of Russian best as she can, but she already has picked up lots of profanities.)

What she does, instead, is ask her mother for help.

Together they break down an old leopard print top of hers (remnant of Mari’s own street punk days) and make a small t-shirt. Out of another ratty old black shirt they make a hoodie. She almost tosses out the remaining scraps, but Mama Katsuki stops her. Artfully cutting up the holey parts her mom manages to make a tiny pair of pants out of them arranged in a way that the holes and rips look on purpose. Then she sews tiny sequins all over them. 

Her mom is a _genius_.

Job done, they strip the Russian jersey off the doll and carefully redress it with its new clothes. Mari snaps a picture of her mother proudly holding the plushie and sends it to Yurio herself.

Yurio doesn’t answer and the subject is dropped.

 

 

Yuuri squeals loudly when he sees the plushie next and immediately tries to make off with it. _Tries_ , because Mari tackles him to the floor. The resulting brawl almost upends the dinner table and sends the cushions flying every which way.

"The plushie's mine, a fan gave it to me and Victor!" Yuuri manages to wiggle out of Mari's headlock with the ease of long, long practice but gets downed again before he can reach the door.

"Mom and I made the clothes, you can't have it!" Mari makes a grab for the plushie but her brother rolls over and curls up around it so she can't reach it.

"Victor, stop recording and  _help me_!"

The man is, indeed, standing out of reach beside the door with his phone up, catching the whole exchange and being happily unhelpful.

"You already have your own Russian, you brat, this one belongs to the family!" Mari goes for the kill, and tickles Yuuri until he's a crying, laughing mess on the floor. Only then she picks up the plushie, dusts it and delicately puts it back in its place on top of the medals display.

Victor is still recording.

There are no more attempts on the safety of Plushie!Yurio, but later that evening when she decides to take a cigarette break she finds all of her smokes crumpled in the bin or soaked through and damn if this doesn't have russian pettiness written all over it. But it's alright, she can be an adult and ignore this kind of childish pranks.

She can and just chooses not to. She puts wasabi in Victor's coffee the next morning.

 

 

(Mama Katsuki established early the rule that any photo or video content made at Yu-topia needs to be discussed with any and all the people involved and approved by them before being published on social media.

Victor broke the rule only once by posting a candid picture of Yuuri sleeping on Instagram and and his phone mysteriously _burned and drowned at the same time_ in a freak accident that same evening. He's behaved ever since.)

Mari doesn't know what Victor does with the video of her and Yuuri fighting over the plushie and she doesn't ask. But the next time Yurio he comes over and spots the doll he just scowls and ignores it without even trying to set it on fire.

Mari and her parents surreptitiously exchange victory signs in the kitchen.


	3. red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this is a 180 turn from the fluffy ficlets before. It was supposed to be along the same lines, a funny one-shot about Hiroko getting Victor to call her Mama, but apparently Victor has, well, not just Family Issues, no - he has a whole yearly subscription including the christmas special and the swimsuit edition. 
> 
> So this packs a bit more of a punch than usual - the Family Feels tag is there for a reason.
> 
> ETA: In regards to the timeline, this falls somewhere before the Rostelecom Cup.

“Ah, Toshiya-san! This arrived in the mail!” Victor has met the mailman just outside on his way back from his morning run and decided to bring the big box right in.

Toshiya opens the panel from his office to peer outside. “Oh, dear, is it heavy?”

“Not that much.”

“I have no idea what that is. Go ask your mother, she should be in the laundry room.”

The panel slids back closed with a click. It’s not enough to cover the sudden pounding of his heart loud in his ears.

They keep saying these things like they’re nothing, when to Victor they’re everything _but_.

Considering his family for the past oh, _twelve years_ has mostly consisted in Makkachin, Yakov and Lilia hearing things like this is jarring. 

(He has mostly maintained working relationships with his fellow skaters, with few friends here and there but no one really close. At least until tiny Yuri Plizetsky appeared. 

He was such a golden child, with his perfect bowl cut and shining eyes and he was so pretty and graceful until he opened his mouth and a rotten outpour of angry obscenities spilled out. 

The first time he witnessed this happening Victor was so _floored_ he almost skated right into the rink wall.

It seems to be the his fate, being surprised by Yuris and then finding himself mysteriously bound to them.)

Victor, still carrying the package, makes his way to the laundry room. He hears the washing machine rumbling.

“Hiroko-san?”

“Here!” She pokes her head out in the hall and smiles brightly. “Good morning, Vicchan. You’re up early on your day off.”

“Ah, Makkachin woke me up for walkies.” He peers in, and she’s folding up a huge basket of towels. He puts the box on a free corner the table. “This came in with the mail.”

“Ah, amazing! The delivery was really fast. Now, where did I put it.” She starts lifting stacks of towels until she uncovers a pair of scissors. She hands them to him. “There you go!”

“Shall I open it for you?”

“No, not for me. It’s for you.” 

Victor stares at her for a moment, utterly unsure. It happens often to him when he’s around Yuuri and his family, this uncertainty. 

(Not that anyone notices. He was a master of the ‘Fake It Until You Make It’ way of life long before it became a meme.)

Everyone here is so charming and homely and so so far away from any frame of reference or previous experience with people he has that he finds his footing unstable in a way that reminds him of the first time he stepped on a ice rink. He still remembers how small and scared and alone he had felt in that moment, about to fall and reaching out desperately for his mother’s skirt. 

(He barely remembers how she reached back and stopped his fall. He barely remembers how she took off on her blades and slowly tugged him along and suddenly the fear had turned into pure amazement. 

He had forgotten about it, the memories and the feelings alike. But he is starting to remember now because Yuuri gave that amazement back to him for the first time in years.)

Hiroko smiles at him and points at the box. “Go on.”

He gives her his Press Smile and turns to the package, making quick work of the sealing tape. He opens it, and moves tissue paper out of the way to see... red fabric?

He takes the item out of the package, noting that there’s more of it inside and unfolds it. It’s a red jacket, identical to the one Hiroko herself is wearing.

“We keep a common stash of staff uniforms and swap and match things as needed between us but there’s nothing to fit you beside a couple of green guest attires. Vicchan is just too tall!”

“I- I don’t understand,” Victor stutters.

“I ordered some brand new staff uniforms in your size. There should also be a smaller bag with your name tags inside the box, we can sew them on later.”

“That’s- but why-” Victor is clutching the red jacket in his hands. He’s stunned.

“Well, you keep wearing green and getting mistaken for a tourist. That’s not right.”

“I barely help to do the dish washing, I’m not a staff worker.”

Hiroko’s smile is so kind it hurts. (Yuuri looks a lot like her.)  “No, you’re family. That’s what the red means.”

He wants to speak but he can barely breathe past the knot that suddenly closes his throat, never mind getting words out. Something in his chest feels like it’s bleeding, it hurts yet it’s spilling warmth inside of his core.

“Oh, Vicchan.” Hiroko’s hands are tugging him down, one on his nape is pushing his head against her shoulder while her other arm slips around his back and he’s being hugged within an inch of his life.

He doesn’t know whether he should he laughing or crying so he does neither. He just chokes. He hugs her back just as tight. Hiroko is a full head and shoulders shorter than him but he’s never felt so small (so safe) before.

“You know, I’ve taught everything to my other children - to wash the dishes and set the trays and serve the tables and mop the floors.” She lets him go and pats his cheek. “I’ll teach you too, okay? So don’t worry.”

“Okay, Hiroko-san.” He smiles and it hurts, perhaps because he isn’t used to smiling for real anymore. (Even if Yuuri and his family are helping him rediscover how every day.)

“Be sure to try the uniforms on later and check if they fit. If it’s a hem or something small I can fix them myself, but for anything else we’ll have to send them back. Oh, I almost forgot! I got something for your brother too!” Hiroko starts digging into the package, taking out the uniforms and setting them in piles of pants and jackets.

“My broth-” Victor blinks. “You mean little Yuri?”

“Who else?”

“You do know that we are not related in any way.”

“So?”

They stare at each other for a moment. Mama Katsuki smiles and shakes her head with a fond look and Victor folds like a bad hand of pocker.

(He needs to start working on saying no to the Katsuki Smile. Yuri, his brother?)

(And yet...)

(Somehow the more he thinks about it the less weird it feels.)

“Yurio is so small he shouldn’t have problems fitting into Yuuri’s old clothes. You don’t even need to change the name tags!”

“Yes to the clothes, no to the tags. Having two Yuuri around will confuse the guests.”

“Then you can just add an ‘o’ after ‘Yuri’ on the label?”

“That’s what I was thinking, but as I was browsing the catalog for the stitched labels I saw something even _better_.” Hiroko makes a triumphant noise and takes a small white bag out of the package. “I just couldn’t settle on one! I ended up ordering a bunch of them, so now you have to help me choose.”

She spreads out the content of the bag on the table so they can both look. “So, what do you think? Cat, tiger or dragon?”

Victor laughs. He laughs and laughs and laughs because he feels like he’s Alice fallen through the mirror in a world so different and so absurd it's only when you stop trying to make sense of things that everything falls into place.

St. Peterburg still awaits on the other side of the mirror. He misses it sometimes but he’s starting to realize that it hasn’t been home to him for a long while.

(He used to think that the ice was his home, but if this is what a home and a family feel like, then he hasn’t ever had one of either before.)

“Well, it depends. These need to be stitched on, not ironed, right? They can be switched, so we can give him the option to choose for himself at a later date. But if we want to start off right we should _definitely_ go with the cute cat with the green ribbon. It even brings out his eyes!”

(This is going to be so much fun. His brother is going to _kill him_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm not particularly happy about how this one turned up. I've been sitting on this for a week and I tried rewriting it several times but it was worse than pulling teeth. I will most likely have to come back to this topic at a later date and finish unpacking Victor's Family Issues in another angst-ish ficlet. Goddamnit, Victor!
> 
> 2) The fluff will proceed as scheduled from the next update.
> 
> 3) 2017 World Championship starts in two days. I'm expecting great things, these guys just keep one-upping each other this season, I can't wait!
> 
> 4) Thank you to everyone who commented and left kudos! <3<3<3<3 You're amazing and precious and I want to shower all of you with love and hugs and cream puffs (did I mention that I'm a pastry chef?).
> 
> (Edited to fix few typos I missed the first time)


	4. spoiled

Fact: the whole Katsuki family is weak to cuteness.

How can they not when they raised the cutest, chubbiest most precious little boy ever? If you had ever pinched the cheeks of five year old Yuuri you wouldn’t even question why everyone was always sneaking him candies.

Also fact: they are terrible enablers.

So when they adopt little Yurio, everything is all too easy. Mari had her own street punk days once upon a time and while work has forced her to cut back on that she never quite let go (she still has her piercings and bleaches her hair regularly). So while she hasn’t met up with her old pals lately she still knows the right shops and the right people, has all of the best sites bookmarked.

Just like they always did with Yuuri when he was in the States, Mari make sure to always send a little something for every competition won and every occurrence. 

A black hoodie with a tiger stitched on the back for his placing second at the Russian nationals. There’s a airport picture of him wearing it two weeks later on the Yuri Angels official forum.

A leopard print stocking full of japanese confectionery for Christmas. He texts back: _‘what are even these stupid candies they’re super gross!!!!!!! >:( >:(’_ and right after _'can’t find them on amazon how do u spl the name’._ So Mari sends him a huge box of them, together with the small tiger amigurumi keychain her mother just finished stitching for him. He posts a picture of it hanging from his black backpack on Instagram. Mama Katsuki is Pleased.

A cute set of a travel pillow and sleep mask with cartoon tiger print is next. Mama Katsuki delivers this by hand the next time Yurio comes home to rest and scream at Yuuri and Victor for a while for being lazy asses. He drags them both off to the ice rink, and then comes back making disgusted noises in the back of his throat because the Idiot Couple won’t stop being lovey dovey even while skating.

Rinse and repeat the next day, and the next, and the one after that but on the fourth day? Mari went out to buy another gift.

She gives Yurio a pair of earplugs and an _air horn_.

She knows she’s going to get the scolding of the year by the Nishigoris later, but it’s all worth it for the slow, evil smile that dawns on his pretty face.

The next day they are all home early for lunch because Yuuko banned them from the rink until tomorrow. The three of them are talking loudly at each other to hear over the ringing in their ears. Yurio greets Mari with a smirk and a fist bump. This is the best day in Mari’s life bar none and she is _living_.

Yurio flies out two days later. A shaky airplane pic of Yurio curled up in his seat sleeping with his tiger mask gets tweeted and all of the Yuri Angels forums break at once.

This is about when the Idiot Couple start to complain.

“You really need to stop buying all of this things for him,” Yuuri says. “He already wears way too much animal print without you egging him on.”

“You know, half of his rink mates think he has a secret Sugar Mama.” Victor adds. He tries to look stern but he sounds way too pleased with it, that drama queen.

Mari doesn’t deign them with an answer. She’s too busy browsing through leopard print shirts. There’s a dark purple buttor down with crossbones stitched to the back in sequins that she just knows will look absolutely adorable on him.

“Mom, what do you think?” She turns the laptop around to face her.

Her mom peers closer, then nods and ‘haaa’s happily. “I bet he would look great with that at the gala dinner for the Grand Prix.”

Mari grins and clicks to add it to her cart.

“Why is nobody listening to me?” Yuuri throws his hand up in frustration.

“I am always listening to you,” Victor catches his hand and holds it to his cheek.

“Now, now, dear, there’s no need to be jealous of your sister’s attention, you know she still loves you.” Mama Katsuki turns her attention back to the bundle in her lap. It’s another amigurumi tiger doll, only this time it’s bigger and in black and white.

“I’m not _jealous_ , I just think you’re spoiling him.”

“Well, you sure didn’t complain when she was buying you all your posters, so.”

“What posters?”

The silence is so loud and sudden that even Victor realizes he just asked something big. Everyone is staring at him.

“What posters?” he asks again.

In controlled movements Mari clicks her laptop shut. Pushes it aside. Gets up. A smile is slowly growing on her face. “Come with me, Victor. I’ll show you.”

Yuuri’s face goes white and Mari _smirks_. Oh, yes, life is good.

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, Mari is browsing through the pictures in her album, carefully picking the best shot out of all the ones she took tonight. 

Immediately on the front right there’s Victor sitting at the dinner table surrounded by stacks of posters and pictures of his own face and he’s signing all of them with the most gleeful smile ever. In the back of the shot you can spot Yuuri laying in a discarded pile of tears and misery in a corner slowly withering away in shame.

Mari selects the picture and sends it to Yurio with the caption “#1 Victor fanboy Katsuki Yuuri is going to own the biggest signed collection ever after today. It even includes the man himself”.

After a moment she sends it to Phichit too. He had to put up with Yuuri’s obsession for three years as his roommate, gods know the poor boy deserves some payback too.

(Of course Phichit immediately posts it on Instagram, but that's another can of worms.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Yuuri, he just can't win.


	5. ridiculous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up right after 'spoiled'. It's a short silly thing, but this has been Migraine Week, so.

-click-

_Someone is wailing. The camera is shaking like the person holding it laughs. Finally it stills enough to show a japanese style room littered with pictures and posters. Katsuki Yuuri and Victor Nikiforov can be seen struggling in the midst of it all._

_“Don’t do that! Stop it!” Yuuri is sobbing, trying to keep a rolled up poster away from Victor. “It’s the limited print switsuit edition, you can’t have it!”  
_

_“I don’t want to keep it, I just want to sign it!”  
_

_“You’ll ruin it!”  
_

_“I’m adding value to it!”  
_

_“Then sign the_ back of it _, you brute!” He’s laying out the poster on the table, carefully smoothing it out and trying to rub at a corner with his sleeve. “My poor baby, look what you did!”  
_

_The woman behind the camera speaks. “Yuuri, calm down, you’ll drip tears and snot over it and make it worse.” She’s clearly barely holding back her laughter._

_Yuuri stops for a moment. Then his face crumples in more tears. He hugs the poster close then curls up around it under the table, crying and wailing lodly. “_ GOD KILL ME NOW. _”_

_The woman loses it, laughing so much she drops her phone._

-click-

_The low light shows the inside of some kind of cupboard, perhaps a small store room. The door opens and a woman slips quietly inside, closing it behind her. She has short hair, half bleached and wears a red uniform.  
_

_“Did you get it?” A voice whispers from behind the camera._

_The woman nods._

_“Mari, you’re the best!” Yuuri turns the camera so that they both appear in the frame. “Okay, so I decided Victor needs to be taught a lesson. Not just for the posters, but also because he’s still calling me little piglet even after I told him not to.”_

_“He believes he’s being cute.” The woman shakes her head. “You barely put on few pounds, Yuuri, you’re fine. You’ll loose them easily when you get back into training.”_

_“I think it’s mostly a joke about the katsudon thing, but still, rude.”_

_She looks serious for a moment. “You know he’s madly in love with you, though, right? You could be a three ton shapeless lump of fat and he’d still call you the cutest boy on earth.”_

_“I know that!” Yuuri turns red.  
_

_“Okay, just checking.”  
_

_“He was_ rude _. Also, he hurt my posters.” It’s difficult to tell in the low light, but he looks like he wants to cry for a moment. "So, last week a guest arrived, a sweet old lady with her dog. A dog with long silver-white fur.” Yuuri shows something to the camera._

_It’s a dog brush, full of loose tufts of white-ish hair._

_“For the past four mornings I’ve been leaving some of this hair scattered on Victor’s pillow before he wakes up. I also left some in the shower drain.”  
_

_“It’s getting to him,” the woman says. “I saw him checking his reflection in the kitchen window and he kept looking at his head.”  
_

_“Yeah, tonight he asked me if I’ll still love him once he’s old, bald and grumpy.”_

_“What did you answer?”_

_“I said that he was being silly and that I already have one Yakov in my life.”  
_

_“Oh,_ burn _!”  
_

_“Tomorrow at breakfast I’m going to ask casually if his bald spot is growing and we’re expecting to see some waterworks. Bets are open on how long he’s going to cry.”  
_

_Mari raises her hand. “I have 5.000 yen on an hour before Yuuri caves in and confesses about the prank.”  
_

_“I’m saying two before he goes on a e-shopping binge on all the hair regrowth products he can google.”  
_

_“You’re going to let him do that? He’ll bankrupt you both.”  
_

_“Nah, don’t worry, I hid his credit cards. Still, you have twelve hours before the showdown. Make your bets!”  The siblings are spotting identical evil smirks._

-click-

_A big tabby cat mews, butting against on someone’s arm as it tries with its paw to draw their hand on its head for scritches as it mews-_

-click-

_The camera is shaking badly, moving around as the person holding it runs._

_A man is standing in the doorway, blocking the way. “Children, what did you do now?”_

_Mari’s voice from behind the camera. “Not now, dad, I need to settle a bet!” A commotion can be heard in the room behind the man’s back._

_Katsuki Toshiya sighs and shakes his head. “I want 20% of the winnings.” He walks off._

_Mari runs in. Yuuri has his back to the door, he’s turned towards the window, talking to someone. The back of two legs can be seen standing on the outside of the windowsill._

_“-down. Come back inside, Victor.”  
_

_“No, this is the only way!” Victor’s voice is wracked with sobs. “Remember me forever as I was, beloved, at my best, and not as the balding old man I’ve become!”  
_

_“Victor, you need to calm down and take a deep breath. Try and be reasonable for just one moment, it’s not such a big deal!”  
_

_“Be sad, but please move on. When I am laid in earth, may my wrongs create no trouble in thy breast!”  
_

_Yuuri makes a wordless noise of utter frustration. “What does that even_ mean _? Victor, come on, you’re being ridiculous. Climb back inside!”  
_

_“Remember me, my Yuuri, but forget my fate!” Victor is outright wailing now.  
_

_“Stop, Victor!”  
_

_“Remember me!!”  
_

_“Victor, we’re on the goddamn_ ground floor _! Stop behaving like a lunatic and come back inside before the guests start complaining!”_

-click-

“...”

“...well?”

“You’re right. They’re weird.”

“ _Hah_! Damn right I am!” Yuri flings his phone away angrily. It bounces off the bed and lands in a stack of pillows. “Weird? They are all insane! You have no idea of the shit I have to put up with!”

“I don’t.”

“So have I changed your mind yet?”

“No.”

“But why?!”

“They’re your family.” Otabek shrugs slightly. “Weird or not, I’d still like to meet them.”

Yuri sighs heavily. He pauses his game and gets up. He’s frowning, but his cheeks are stained pink. “Then I’ll call Mrs Katsuki and tell her to save me a double room for next week, I guess.” He starts rooting around the pillows for his phone.

“Thank you.”

“Your funeral, man. Don’t complain to me later.”

“I won’t.” A long pause. “The parents seem nice.”

 “....they are. And wait until you try their katsudon, that shit is pure magic, I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, guys, thank you for all the comments and kudos!<3
> 
> I've been posting mostly regularly until now (weird, right?) but I will probably skip for the next couple of weeks. I have next monday off but between Easter and the local fair the week after that I'll be swamped with work, I doubt I'll have time to write anything.
> 
> In the meantime I've set up a YOI-themed side blog, so you can join me on tumblr [@yolo3axel](https://yolo3axel.tumblr.com/) and talk about yoi, skating or just to scream your feels into the void with me (I'm still shook about Worlds, btw, I love Yuruzu and Shoma to bits but the fact that Fernandez scored over 300 points and _didn't even medal_ just blows my mind).


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